Kissing The Lipless
by jowx97
Summary: It's hard to leave all these moments behind. One-shot AU Star Forge scene in KOTOR1, LSF Revan X Malak. More details inside.


_**A/N: Basically this was meant to be a short **__**drabble**__** to help me get back into the writing frame of mind, but this piece had a life of it's own! It can be read as a sequel to 'Catch Me When I Fall', but it's not necessary. I feel like it's perhaps a bit too drawn out and over the top, so your thoughts would be immensely appreciated. Thanks so much for reading, I promise I'm still working on my other fics!**_

_Inspired by The Shins' song, 'Kissing the Lipless', some of the lyrics are at the beginning and the end of the piece, and a couple are used in the dialogue:_

_...you've got too much to wear  
On your sleeves  
It has too much to do with me  
And secretly  
I want to bury in the yard  
The grey remains of a friendship scarred_

_You told us of your new life there  
You got someone coming round  
Gluing tinsel to your crown  
He's got you talkin' pretty loud_

_You berate remember  
Your ailing heart and your criminal eyes  
__You say you're still in lo__ve__  
If it's true, what can be done?  
It's hard to leave all these moments behind_

* * *

"Why don't you just end this now?" Malak wheezed at her, one hand clutching his blazing light saber, the other – less impressively – clutching his side.

She looked down at the metallic grey floor of the Star Forge. "You know why", she spoke awkwardly, as though this was a classroom conversation between two adolescents, not the final battle which would decide the fate of millions.

"Are you so weak now, Revan? Is this what the council has done to you?" He taunted her, urging her to make the last move. "Not so long ago you would have swiped me with that saber of yours without a second thought. Of course, the crystal burned red then, though why something so trivial should matter is beyond me."

She sighed, and met his amber gaze. "This is all my fault, Malak. You shouldn't…you shouldn't be like this. It was always me."

"Oh don't take all the credit, Revan. If I fell so quickly for you then I must have been pretty weak."

She took a step towards him then stopped, suddenly aware of herself. "Don't say that. I forced you—"

"But don't you see, Revan? You didn't _ha__ve_ to force me! I would've done anything for you. After all those years at the enclave together I fell in love with you – I told you as much – and falling to the dark side for you didn't seem so different than falling in love with you. I would have done anything to be at your side; that wasn't your fault; it was my own foolish naivety. I once told you I'd protect you from the darkness, so if anything I let _you_ down."

Her eyes creased slightly and she took a breath. "Can't we just go back to before all of this? When we were just… It was so much simpler then…"

"No, we can't." He spoke bluntly, but not unkindly. "It will never be like it was – how can it be? How can we possibly turn away from all of this now, all the damage that's been done – not just to all these people", he waved his arms round wildly, presumably indicating all of those dead around them, "but to us! Do we carry on our relationship as though all of this never happened?" He looked at her almost calculatingly for a moment and then retracted his light saber, sighing. She smiled slightly and did the same, joining him as he sat on the shaking floor.

"I feel like a bit of a cliché asking 'where did it all go wrong?', but I really would love to know", she said, looking out of the far window into the deep black surrounding space.

"Don't dwell. It's what's happening now that matters. I'm the evil one now, and you're the good one." He too was looking out into space, speaking in a dull monotone. "I may still love you somewhere within this…this monster, but as that Pilot with the ridiculous orange coat demonstrates, you don't still love me. So just kill me – I've long been dead inside, and you being with that man will kill what's left of my heart anyway. So, please let's just end this. It should've been over long ago." He realised he was being slightly melodramatic, but if it aided his point then so much the better. "If you kill me you'll be the saviour of the Republic, born again. And I like to think if I die in this way – consenting, in the hope that you'll go on to better the galaxy – maybe the force will accept me back into the light in death. I'd like that."

Then she did something that he wasn't expecting her to do at all; she started crying.

Revan had only cried three times in her life as far as she could remember; once when she was 10 and Master Vrook had told her off for dropping her lunch-tray in the cafeteria, yelling she would never be a Jedi at this rate, let alone a good one. Malak had comforted her though, telling her Vrook was an idiot and then proceeding to set some gizka loose in Vrook's chambers in revenge. Then there was the time she had told Malak she loved him, and he'd told her he loved her back which had left her embarrassingly teary-eyed. And of course after the period of delusion, when she'd found out she was not infact do-gooder Elara but Sith Lord Revan and that, as such, Carth hated her – that had induced some tears.

This then, was for Malak's speech, but also for everything she'd never let herself cry about. "I'm so—", she took a sobbing breath, "I'm so—"

Malak, who throughout this episode had been sat there awkwardly, placed a hand tentatively on her shoulder. "Shhh", he spoke gently. "Don't cry, Revan. There is no emotion there is peace." His eyes suddenly bulged while Revan began to laugh through her tears.

"Evil Sith Lord Malak reciting the Jedi Code? You're an awful dark side villain", she was giggling almost uncontrollably now, and the short, disjointed breaths which had been her sobbing were now her struggling to breathe between laughter.

"You weren't so great yourself!" He scowled, eventually joining her laughter.

"I know, I know – I'm glad I got to come back to the light – it's done wonders for my skin."

"You're always beautiful, no matter what your face looks like", he spoke sincerely although he was looking – once again – straight out of the window.

Suddenly there was a mass tremor and the two found themselves holding each other.

"I'm sorry for trying to kill you Rev'", he spoke softly and urgently. "I'm so sorry for all of this, I wish there was something I could do to start over. I…" The amber from his eyes seemed to disappear, refilling slowly with their former chocolate glory while his skin seemed to regain its life, the cracks smoothing over into milky perfection. "I love you, Revan. Always have, always will."

"I love you too, Malak – I'm sorry for bringing you down with me, for your jaw; everything." She moved her lips up to where his once were, and revelled in the proximity, and the sound of his breath steadily increasing. She kissed his closed eyelids, touched their noses together and pressed her rose lips to every available bit of skin, the warm tears which poured from her eyes tickling slightly as they dropped onto his face.

He sighed. "You say you're still in love, but if it's true what can be done? What good is it spending your life kissing the lipless? You deserve better."

"You are far, far better than anything I could dream of deserving. Now please let's just go, Malak; we can sort it all out once we're off this thing, but we need to get out of here first."

"There's no way I can go back now Rev', no-one can trust me anymore. I can barely trust myself. And I'm a liability to the order as I'm pretty sure me saying, 'actually I want to be a good guy now' won't be good enough for all the people I've killed. No, the only real redemption I can get now is becoming one with the force."

"Then I'll stay here with you!" She whispered, hitting him lightly on the chest as she nuzzled her head into his warm neck, desperately wishing this wasn't real. "Please, let me stay at least? We can die together; 'together forever' like we used to say when we were apprentices together. It's too hard to leave all these moments behind! I've missed you too much, Mal', you can't just go like this and leave me by myself."

"You won't be by yourself", he muttered, failing to keep the bitter tone out of his voice.

"Carth?" Even though she didn't realise it, her voice raised slightly when she said his name, which annoyed Malak no end. "You know that doesn't mean anything – it was just an illusion the council creat—"

A fuzzy noise emitted from her Comm. System, and a familiar voice came through the waves, "Elara? Are you okay in there? Listen, you need to get out of there as soon as possible!"

"Elara?!" Scowled Malak, looking disgusted. "Her name is Revan you son of a—"

"We'll be right out, Carth – don't worry."

"We? Elara what is going on in there? Who's that with you – did you rescue some of the prisoners? Because you know, they may not be prisoners, it could all be a trick. You know what Malak's like."

"Too right she does", Malak chuckled.

"Could you be anymore paranoid? No, not prisoners, I'm bringing –"

"No-one." Interjected Malak. "You're bringing no-one with you. The Republic needs a hero, Revan, now will you please just go?"

"Elara, answer me; who is that?!" She turned off the Comm. System.

"Malak, forget Carth, forget everything else. Can't you just come, for me?"

He was choosing not to listen to her, instead repeating as he stood up once more, "They need a hero, Revan. You and I can carry on when we are together with the force. There's nothing I can do now."

"But you're the hero!" She insisted, standing too.

"So I'll let you take the glory this time, and next time something good happens say it's thanks to me, yeah?" There was an amused twinkle in his eyes.

She laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "You're ridiculous. I really do love you. Are you sure—"

"I'm sure. Besides, who's to say you and I would have worked out after all this? Maybe it's nicer to leave it as it is. I mean, you're not really my type anymore."

"Oh yeah?" She grinned as she moved towards him once more, "So what's your type?"

He looked thoughtful, attempting to think of the opposite of Revan, which was hard when her hand was creeping up his back. "Hmmm, I would have to say someone who's actually _nice_ to me, no sense of humour, quiet so I can do all the talking, preferably pretty stupid…"

"Liar – girls like that make you sick", she smiled, standing on tiptoes to reach his forehead to kiss, only to find his strong arms around her lifting her up.

"You're right, I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't being bossed around 24/7." She wrapped her legs around him as he spoke, enjoying the electricity that she hadn't felt in so long.

"You love it", she whispered in his ear, before kissing it gently.

"I love you."

They stood like that for a few minutes, entwined like they were always meant to be, but then there was another tremor, this time more heavy. He unwrapped her legs from round him gently and placed her on the ground.

"I love you too" she sighed, looking for one last time into those deep brown eyes. "I'll miss you".

"I don't know exactly what happens after this, but I like to think I'll be watching over you. So, what I'm trying to say is, don't do anything with that Carth guy that I wouldn't want to see!"

Ignoring his last comment she took hold of his hand, "So this is it then?"

"I should think so. Goodbye, Revan. I'll see you again sometime."

She tried to smile through the tears, "You, you'd better." She sniffed. "Because we both know I go crazy without you around."

"You go crazy with me around. Listen, you need to get out of here. Know that I've never loved anyone, or anything, as much as I love you. Vrook was wrong, you're the best Jedi anyone could have the pleasure of knowing. Oh yeah, tell him I'm sorry, would you? Not for the gizka, obviously, but for the whole psychotic Sith Lord thing."

She laughed as she ran towards the door, while he remained standing in the centre of the room staring after her hopelessly, fully realising this was the last time he'd see her.

"I love you", he called out after her, one last time.

"I'll always love you, Malak", she yelled, grinning though her eyes were swollen and red. "If I'm the most amazing jedi then you're the most amazing person anyone could know. It's been a pleasure!"

"Yes, it's been a pleasure spending my life with you", he said, weakly.

"What? I can't hear you?" She looked concerned, about to walk back.

"Nothing!" He shouted. "You need to get out of here! Goodbye, my love!"

She smiled back at him one last time, blowing him a kiss before she ran out.

He caught the kiss and gazed at his hand sadly, before pocketing the kiss. Then he sat to meditate, hoping to force he'd made the right decision. He closed his eyes and felt at peace – "Thus with a kiss I die."

_You tested your metal  
Of doe's skin and petals  
While kissing the lipless  
Who bleed all the sweetness away_

N.B. Malak's last words are Romeo's last words in Shakespeare's 'Romeo and Juliet'


End file.
